Today was an extraordinarily beautiful day and it was also my mom's 70th birthday party. Most of the family came into town and we gathered at my brother's house for brunch. My mom truly enjoyed having everyone around. I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time.
After the days festivities, she went home with her care worker and I went home to grade student work. About 11:30 pm I started searching through the days photographs for the day's post. I was so elated to find this photograph of my mom. She looks relaxed and confident - she looks like my mom. She doesn't have the blank stare that dementia has caused her face to have.
As I was processing this photograph tonight she called. Scared and confused. Begging me to come over to her house. Of course I said, "yes." So here I sit tonight writing this post in my mom's bed. Where my stepdad used to sleep. With her snoring next to me. As soon as I arrived her fears and paranoia diminished. She asked me to stay all night and of course I can't. I have other responsibilities. I wish I could be there all the time, but it is impossible.
Her fear reminds me of my own as a child. I use to have trouble sleeping through the night. I woke her up for years past my toddler years. She eventually locked her bedroom door and pretended not to hear me begging to let me in. I wanted to curl up with her but I couldn't get in. I was sure a monster or serial killer would be coming down the hall to dismember me any second. I guess I grew out of it at some point. It is not likely that my mom will grow out of hers... I think she is just starting to grow into it.
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