114. Ugly

We are growing a ton of tomatoes in the backyard. Last summer when we went to visit my aunt in Paso Robles she had tomato plants growing in old wine barrels on the back patio. The vines were absolutely loaded with grape and cherry tomatoes. My girls stood at those plants for hours eating tomatoes. We couldn't wait to plant our own this year.

A couple months ago Curtis and Abbey went to Tomato Mania at a local farm and bought 6 varieties of tomatoes. Some how we ended up with two additional plants. And after much effort and care on Curtis' part all but one vine is filled with little green tomatoes. Only a few of the cherry, grape, and roma tomatoes have turned red and we gobbled them up in seconds.

One variety of tomatoes Curtis bought out of curiosity is called Ugly - I would have bought it too. And it is truly living up to its name. My dilemma? The Ugly tomatoes are strangely beautiful and I am dying to pull all of them off the vine and photograph them.  I just can't get the angle I want with them on the vine.

113. Shadows

I have been working through the desert shots I took last weekend. I keep coming back to this image because it is so obviously about the shadow - fantastic shadow.  After spending some time with it though, I had a revelation... it is like "Where's Woody" instead of "Where's Waldo". Can you find him?

112.

I feel great.

This is the weekend before finals, so I don't have any grading to catch up on. The fall schedule is done. Unless I have totally forgotten something (which is possible) I don't have a ton of work to do this weekend. This is completely unusual for a teacher. By the way... for those of you that think that teaching is an easy cushy job? Think ahead. It is a job that rarely, rarely is out of your mind. It is a job that you are "on" constantly. If you aren't teaching... you are prepping. If you aren't prepping... you are grading. If you are grading... you are worrying. And this year, particularly in the state of California there is worry not only about your students, but if you will have a job at all. I wonder what a job would be like if you just went home at the end of the day and didn't take 70 essays to bed with you every night.

I have friends that say, "You have summers off. You only work 9 months of the year." Yes true, but its level 10 of those 9 months.

This weekend, the lull before the storm, was like the perfect storm. Curtis is close to finals too, and LAUSD is attempt to save money gave all teachers a furlough day on Friday, with Monday a holiday, and the students have the days off too. So as a family we have 4 days off together and with soccer done and play production over and nothing else in the way... we really have 4 days OFF together. It feels great. I feel great.

Next week will be hell...

111. Forgetful

I totally forgot about the blog tonight. I am definitely burned out after 3 plus months. But the hike was awesome.

- excuse the typos...posted via Windo's iPhone

110. Rhythm

Another 

day 

without 

a ton 

to say. 

But

none-the-less

this 

shot is

best.

It is

easy

to see 

a poet

I will

never

be.

Yikes! Lame...

109. On the fence

Tonight, beauty in the banal... but no time to justify it. I got too much going on.

108. Intent

For the second time in a month someone told me that intent does not matter, only actions. The first instance was with my daughter being called a "bully" (see earlier blog post if you missed it.). My friend described my daughter Abbey as a "bully" because she had kicked her child but Abbey's intent was irrelevant.

Today, a co-worker who was offended by one of my actions thought I was being disrespectful and clearly stated that my intentions of whether I meant to be rude or not was irrelevant. There must be a best seller out there on conflict resolution that covers this - the start of their conversation was identical! Creepy and surreal. Any way, since he perceived the act as rudeness, it was therefore disrespectful. He noted three similar situations, a hence a pattern of actions of rudeness. I heard his criticism. I know that I am blunt, straight forward, and often too much for people. I get that. He was trying to help me work better with other and grow socially. I appreciate his efforts, but honestly I don't know if I can.

I am a bit socially awkward. It is a disadvantage of being smart. I like to get a lot done and often don't have time for long warm ups in conversation. I enjoy people, I enjoy my friends, but I don't always connect social situations and work. Part of it has to do with a lack of my ability to filter out how I feel. If someone asks me what I think, I will tell them. It may not be what they want to hear. It is not meant (intent) out of disrespect or dislike, it just is - just factual. I think others connect my comments to whether I like them or not. That has nothing to do with it... there are very few people I don't like.

My co-worker warned me that this will likely not serve me well in the future and he is probably right. People don't like to hear their faults or what a captive audiences true feelings are. They all want to feel they are doing a great job and there are no complaints. I get that.

No one is perfect and neither is my co-worker. He works hard, supports our programs. He is there when you need him, but his leadership style can resort to yelling and dictatorship when he is angry or disagrees. Doesn't bother me, so I haven't said anything to him, but others are absolutely terrified of him. I can hear his criticism of me and I will work on refining my leadership style, but I wonder if he would be open to another's criticism of himself. I wonder if he would accept that he intimidates people? We all like to hear we are perfect but the truth is none of us are perfect.

107. Concept

The first time I photographed the desert was 20 years ago when I met Curtis' parents for the first time. It was a great trip and I realized that the amazing guy I was with had an equally amazing family behind him.  The family home is in a cul-de-sac that backs up against raw and undeveloped desert. We spent quite a bit a time walking around among the cactus exploring the inhospitable environment. Of course I brought my camera and 35 mm slide film.

When I returned home I showed my work to Robbert Flick, my photography instructor at USC and he was less then impressed. I think his response was, "You need to show me more than pretty photographs". He wanted to know what I was doing... what I was trying to communicate. I was crushed and confused and not sure what to do except NOT take any more images of the desert. I simply didn't understand what he was trying to get me to articulate. And I moved onto more profound subject matter not knowing how to make the natural landscape communicate anything other than beauty.

Of course I couldn't have been a teacher, and a good teacher, for the past 15 years if I didn't eventually understand what Robbert was getting at.  And with that, I headed back into that raw and wild desert to tackle it one more time - only 20 years later. However, time doesn't stop and wait for us to "get it". When I got there... it had changed enormously. Several years ago this enormous section of unused land started to be converted into a community park. At first a track, a field, and a gymnasium barely took up any measurable percentage of the land. But what I discovered this past weekend is that the developed park has creeped in and taken up much of the several square mile plot. I wanted to just take "pretty" photographs, but was met with a shock. A different place, a changed place, a developed place. And with that... I got it. Yesterday's, today's and possibility tomorrow's photographs promise to communicate this change in place. Earth leveled, plants moved, parking lots sculpted, stadium lights installed, sod growing green and perfect...

106. Error

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. this morning to head out into the desert and photograph the beautiful morning light in Tucson. For some insane reason I decided to drag along my old Fuji 6x9 range viewfinder camera that shoots film, yes film. I also had my digital SLR to meter and proof with. I spent an hour and a half out in the hot morning sun taking pictures in the desert adjacent to my in-laws' property. I had worn a jacket, totally unnecessary. This spring morning was nothing like the cool Los Angeles ones. When I returned home to drop off some gear I realized that I had made a crucial mistake. I left the lens cap on the Fuji camera for the total time I was out taking photographs. Not one shot was actually taken. My husband deemed the mistake nothing short of amateur. I am a tad bit angry at myself. But I did head back out with just the digital camera and less clothes and photographed for another hour. In the end, all was not lost... more about that tomorrow.

105. Kodak Moment

My niece graduated from high school today and it was full of those "Kodak Moments". The four cousins were together again for the first time in over two years and of course I wanted to get a shot of them all together. Now that the age range is from 8 to almost 21 it wasn't very difficult. There is no longer a need to bribe with lollipops - the cooperation has increased exponentially. We were together for lunch, captured the moment, and went home to change for big event.

Later in the day Roger, my father-in-law brought out a shoe box of some old, really old, family photographs. Guessing by the process and presentation some were over 100 years old. As he was showing me the photographs, all of great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents, and possibly great-great-great-grandparents of my children we realized that there was no labels or indication on most of the photographs that would tell us who they were. They're ancestors, but which ancestors?

As evening fell we drove over to Caitlin's graduation and of course there were plenty of "moments" captured. With each one I wondered if they would end up in the 22nd century equivalent of a shoe box. I remember having a discussion with my mentor, Robbert Flick, about the archival quality of photographs. While the traditional black and white process (silver gelatin) is wonderfully archival, typical color snap shots (Type C) are far  less lasting. I remember Robbert saying that the most personal documented time in history would eventually be a giant black hole of photographs  - nothing, all faded away as the type C process just isn't archival enough to last.

Since that conversation with my mentor 20 years ago, the digital revolution hit. Storing photographic images on a hard drive that last 5 years at best is even less archival than a color type C print. My solution? I upload photographs to Flickr, Picassa, Shutterfly, Facebook or whatever photo site of the month is popular. What happens when I pass? It is a digital shoe box that no one can open...

104. Visit

A long overdue visit to Tucson, after more than a year. We used to visit several times a year when Diane, Curtis' mom was alive. She was unable to travel much in the last decade of her life and we were sure to bring the girls out frequently so they would know her. After her death two years ago, Roger, Curtis' dad started to travel. He often comes out to Los Angeles to visit us - convenient, but in trade we haven't been out to Tucson much.

As soon as I got out of the car and took the giant whiff of warm desert air it felt so right. Always a very welcoming place. Diane always had fresh cookies waiting, and way too much food for us to eat. Since she was immobile we spent most of our visit sitting together in the living room catching up on whatever had passed in the last few months since we has last seen each other. To work off pent-up energy Curtis often took the girls into the desert to turn over rocks and look for scorpions. Or evening swims in the pool in spring and summer. We had our routines and customs - things we did every year just because and even though Diane was sick we made the best of it and had a wonderful time.

So it has been a little over two years since she passed and I was somewhere between excited to return and feeling sad because I knew things would be different. Roger has remarried a neat lady named Peggy.  I knew they have been working on the house a bit, changing things that had been left in desperate need of an update for the past several years. I had no idea what to expect when we walked in the house. How different would it be? I was pleasantly surprised the changes made were subtle and comfortable. It still feels like home --  but with a new even more comfortable couch.

103. Spent

Tonight I am spent... it was just a long week with too much to do in too little time. I still haven't figured out how to be two places at once.

I am at the breaking point again with this blog. There is nothing fresh to say and no good ideas are coming to mind. I am trying to limp into summer when I won't have three meetings scheduled at one time. I imagine long hours by the pool watching my girls swim as I compose away on the keyboard - yeah right?

A friend of mine had an accident this week and I haven't see her at all.  I didn't realize how much I miss her until she isn't around. Typically she comments on my blog in detail every time I see her and it is wonderful to know that she appreciates my insane project. I am wishing her a speedy recovery!

102. Outtakes

My sister Sarah. It is hard to believe that she is 25 years old. I remember the day she was born. She lived in another state for most of her life, but moved out to LA after college. It is so nice to have her live in the same town and be able to see her - if we only had more time. Isn't that the problem with everything?

She is studying acting and working on getting her career started. Today we worked on her head-shots for the third time... obviously not my specialty. The shots turned out fantastic but it was the outtakes that are my favorite. Her expressions are so authentic in each one. Of course the whole point of acting is to be able to communicate authenticity of emotion and expression even though it is really contrived for the stage or camera.

101. Clients

When I decided to teach for a living I made a financial decision that my girls would be educated in the public school system. Something I am not always happy about, but I have little other choice.  I went to public school for the first ten years of my formal schooling and then my father gave me a wonderful opportunity to attend a private college prep school. It was the most amazing educational experience anyone could ask for. At that school, in private school, there is a different relationship between teachers, students, and parents. There is a basic understanding is that the school is doing a job for the student -  more responsive to the parents' wishes and the students' needs.

A few months ago, one of the deans at the college where I teach  used the word "client" to discribe our "students" and ever since that fateful day faculty have been very upset. Many have vocalized that students are not clients, and that education is not a business relationship, and finally teachers are not in the business of cutomer service. I understand the knee jerk reaction, but what if we consider it for just a second. What if public education was run more like a business... what if it had to at least financially break even? What if the needs of students and the wishes of parents in public education had to be addressed or they would go else where? What if faculty had to perform or they would be fired? (OK,  I have said it again, I don't believe in tenure.) What if students had a say in the classes they had to take in order to earn a degree? Would they really even include math? At USC (one of the the top 20 schools in America) removed a math requirement from their BFA curriculum over 25 years ago. Has the institutions' reputation or students suffered? Are students learning what they need to learn or what we have always taught them?

Our educational system needs a complete overhaul - total tear down and remodel. It is not effective, it doesn't work, parents and students put up with it because they have little other choices. It frustrates me as a parent, as a life long learner, and as an educator. If I was a client I could take my business else where.

100. Unbelievable

I sat down to work on tonight's post. My working method is to first choose a photograph, work on it a bit in PhotoShop, and then name it with the number of the post. I really couldn't believe it when I typed 100. Unbelievable!

There was surprising news announced today about ADHD - our daughter Katie's diagnosis. A Harvard School of Public Health study discovered a correlation (not causational link) between ADHD and common pesticides.

"After accounting for factors such as gender, age and race, they found the odds of having ADHD rose with the level of pesticide breakdown products. For a 10-fold increase in one class of those compounds, the odds of ADHD increased by more than half. And for the most common breakdown product, called dimethyl triophosphate, the odds of ADHD almost doubled in kids with above-average levels compared to those without detectable levels." - ABC News

I heard this news and instantly found another thing to feel guilty about. If only I had scrubbed our apples, if only I had bought only organic fruits and vegetables, then Katie would be normal. Some might see this announcement as enlightening part of the puzzle they have been looking for, but it just makes me feel like crap. Of course, there isn't any useful information... is it reversible? Or has the damage been done? Is there some where to go from here? Whole Foods here I come.

99. Torture

I spent the last two nights in a tent and the last two days taking care of 14 girls - no that's not the torture. I am exhausted and I need to sleep and I have no good photographs to post. So I am sitting here waiting for an idea to hit me over the head like I have just been mugged and I simply can't keep my eyes open any longer. And not sleeping? That is torture.

(One hour passes....)

OK... found a phtoograph, but I can't remember what the plant was called. I thought the common name was "Torch" or "Flame of God" but nothing is coming up under Google. If I remember correctly it blooms every 100 years like a century plant... may be a century plant... but too, too tired to think or even type. So just enjoy the image. Good night.

98. Drums

I

Instead of a retweet, this is a reblog. I absolutely swear that I sent a blog post from my iPhone last night from camp but I got back this eventing and checked I found nothing. Ug! That why I don't trust it.

So I don't remember what I said exactly, but it was something about participating in a drum circle with 200 girl scouts. Pretty cool experience, but I didn't write anything very deep.

97. Revise

I am sitting outside my kids' school waiting to pick them up and go camping. So I am always a bit uncomfortable posting from the road.

Today the State of California's May revision of the budget is out and the news sucks all around. On the radio they are discussing the anti-gang and rehibilitation program Home Boy Industries can not continue without funding. A caller mentioned that the City of Los Angeles spent 30 million on Opera this year. In tough budget times do we really need opera? I hate to pick on the arts and I won't... But the caller has a point. The Gates and Eli Broads of the world need to give until it hurts and to more than opera.

A couple things I think LAUSD needs to reconsider?

1. Free lunch - why? People should feed their own kids. I don't believe the argument that kids need more nutrition - there is an obesity epidemic. And the crap they serve is not nutrious. The program loses huge amounts of money. It's archaic and out of date.

2. Drive your own kid to school or walk. Get rid of all school buses. Putting 6 kids on a bus from the city to the valley is wasteful. Go to your neighborhood school or use your own resources to get to a different school.

3. Stop wateful spending on school reports mailed out in duplicate and parents' summits at the LA Convention center with free Starbucks coffee and free lunch. Give me a week at LAUSD administration carte-blache and I will find a ton of things to save money on.

Off to camp.

- excuse the typos...posted via Windo's iPhone

96. Vent

I am not sure what the next couple days will provide for this blog. Tomorrow I am taking my girl scouts camping up in Castaic Lake. I have been looking forward to this trip for the past several months and I hope that the girls enjoy it. My concern is not the girls, but the moms.

As a girl scout leader I am a volunteer. I do it because I believe in helping girls gain self confidence and become leaders. It is enormously time consuming and takes a ton of preparation. This is something several of the moms in my Brownies troop have never considered... how much time it takes to plan this trip and get everything organized. This is their first camping trip so there is a lot of anticipation and expectation, but I never expected moms to completely dismiss what I set up and over rule whatever decisions I have made.

It isn't every mom, but it is several of the moms and I have gotten enough grief about the event that I simply will not camp with them again. Mind you we haven't even left on the trip yet. Possibly all the tension is up front and the anxiety stems from the anticipation of camping. I love camping and I am completely comfortable doing it but I have forgotten everyone is not as comfortable in a tent, sleeping on the ground, not showering for a few days, and fending off mosquitoes as I am. Maybe their desire to change the plans is a need to assert control over a situation they are not completely comfortable with.

Tomorrow night I will be blogging by iPhone from a tent. Wish me luck.

95. Kids

I asked a colleague at work today if he planned on getting married to the gal he has been dating for the past 4 years. If you are 30 plus and in a committed relationship what are you waiting for? His response... we aren't planning on having kids. Well ok then... that changes everything. Really at this point is there any reason to get married unless you are going to have kids? And for that matter, what does marriage have to do with children now-a-days? I think we are long past the "bastard" stereotype.

My mom had a "to-do" list for me. Grow up, go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids. I listened and followed instructions perfectly. I didn't think that there was a possibility of another choice. No worries, it's not that I am second guessing having kids, it just was never an option to go through life without them. For my family kids are everything. My life has changed so much since the kids were born. I am not the type of mom that loves to sit on the floor and play Barbies for endless hours. I am not good at make believe. Not all is a loss... I do like science and art or it would be mutiny at our home. Besides work, my kids define me, and my life and that's OK. They are time consuming but lovable and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have to applaud those that can bunk the typical system and the biological desire to reproduce. Not an easy choice.

94. Only so much time...

I have been sitting in front of my computer for the past four hours working on a PowerPoint presentation for the college's Board of Trustees meeting tomorrow. I didn't have time to get to my blog and I am a bit cranky about it. But honestly this image is much more interesting than my PowerPoint presentation... so be thankful.

Students if you are out there... make note... surreal image number two.

93. Surreal

For the past two weeks I have listened to my students whine (and I do mean whine) about their current assignment - Surrealism. This photography class is a great class - historically one of my favorites with not only very talented students in the class, but also truly dedicated ones. But the whining is getting to me.

The assignment is to create three surrealist images. Of course I defined the movement for them and we looked at many, many surrealist images. We talked about different ways to approach the project and then I gave them three weeks to work on it. The critique should be tomorrow, but a mutiny occurred in class and the students now have a one day extension on it. I could have overruled them, but if that many students weren't ready for critique, they weren't ready. So as a teacher I remained flexible, made some modifications to the schedule, and let them have their extension.

The problem is most the students are over thinking it. In Susan Sontag's famous text On Photography she claims photography itself is inherently surrealism, "Surrealism lies at the heart of the photographic enterprise, in the very creation of a duplicate world, of a reality in the second degree, narrower but more dramatic than the one perceived by natural vision." Just by the mere fact that it freezes time, from one unique angle, reproducible, and often accidental. Sontag argues that the card-carrying Surrealist (those who bought into the Manifesto) paled in their contrived approach to capture the surreal. But it is simply the medium itself that is needed to capture the surreal. She sites so many wonderful photographers to illustrate the points of her groundbreaking essay, and Henri Lartigue is one of those perfect examples. His photographs taken as a young child were some of his most popular. And without knowing anything about the Surrealist Manifesto this child embraces the surrealist approach. How was he so successful while others struggled? Lartigue wasn't over thinking it. He embraced the media, he embraced the accident, he thought outside the box (like most children), and he transformed the ordinary into something extraordinary.

Jacques Henri Lartigue

92. Mom's Day

I am writing late in the day not because it was so busy that I couldn't get to blogging until late. It was quite the opposite. It is Sunday, Mother's Day and I found things to do in order to keep from having to write tonight.

My intention for this day was to write something wonderful and beautiful about my mom, but that just not where I am right now. She is having some obvious physical and mental problems. She doesn't want to tell anyone or talk about it  as if no one would notice, but it is getting harder and harder to have a regular conversation with her. I hate that her sickness has ended up defining our relationship. Because I am the closest child and her only daughter most of the burden falls upon me. I don't mind helping and taking care of her, but all I usually get is the tired, confused, and in-need-of-help mom. She perks up for others. 

It sounds strange, but sometimes she is so much in another world that I don't recognize her - she seems like a stranger or alien. The more I hang out with this "other" person, the less I remember my real mom. I am getting older and my memory isn't as sharp as it use to be.  I hope that I can hold onto the "real" memory of her. 

What frustrates me, must be excruciating to her. She knows she gets confused and lost in conversation. She gets embarrassed. She smiles sweetly and makes a pleasant excuse for not remembering what she was talking about. Other times she just talks about something totally unrelated to the conversation in order to cover up the lost thought. I almost always just go along and agree with whatever the idea, story, or train of thought it is - I have gotten use to the wandering conversation, but  if for some reason if I can't agree, she can become quite upset with me.

Today we went over to her house to barbecue  hamburgers for lunch. She seemed tried and more lost than she has in the last couple weeks. It was Mother's Day and I really wanted to celebrate with my mom. Of course there were good parts of the day and it was great to spend precious time with her, but simultaneously it is very painful.

91. Playing with Fire

In a moment of spontaneity I taught the girls to play with fire. It all started in harmless fashion by asking Katie to set the table. She didn't of course and showed up after I completed the job. She still wanted to help, so I asked her to light the candles. I didn't realize that the lighter was out, so we had to move onto matches.

She's almost ten so teaching her how to strike a match is an age appropriate activity. Right? The odd thing about Katie is nothing is easy.  She is a child that has more acronyms after her name than a psychologist, ADHD, ODC, etc. Part of her issues includes extreme anxiety when she approaches the unknown. She really wanted to learn how to strike a match, but when I tried to hand her an unlit match she reacted as if it was a live rattlesnake. She was completely terrified and overwhelmed by the idea and lost it. As a family we were subjected to fifteen minutes of screaming, yelling, and general over the top drama.  In the meantime her little sister complicated things by grabbing a match striking it perfectly on the side of the box, holding it in hand for a few seconds to let the flame gather strength, and then blew it out. Watching her sister so easily do what Katie so much wanted to do only added fuel to the fire. More tears.

Eventually we were able to calm her down long enough to eat dinner and after she decided to give the matches another try. We encouraged her to sit on the patio, relax, and strike the matches against the ground. She figured it out and was lighting leaves on fire and building mini campfires in no time. She went from terrified to pyromaniac in an hour. God help us!

90. Blocked...

OK... it has finally happened... total blockage! I can't think of what to write in this stupid blog. Honestly I have been struggling all week. But tonight, even with a little wine...nothing worth discussing or reporting. Ug. Wish for a better tomorrow.

89. People Watching

I have a great idea for a portrait series and I hope that nobody steals it. If I was really concerned I guess I wouldn't post it here but hopefully my ten readers aren't looking for any new photographic projects.

I love to people watch. People fascinate me. I was watching a video on Edward Steichen today and he was discussing his famous portrait of Greta Garbo. He stated something to the effect that it is not possible to make a perfect portrait of a person. People are so complex and have so many sides to them that one image can not capture it all.  It is nice to know that even a master needs more than one image to get it right.

I am a girl scout leader - I enjoy teaching young girls to be independent thinkers. Most the leaders I know see their troops through middle school and by the time the girls are about 13 they have moved onto to boys and fashion. Recently our service unit combine with another service unit and this other unit has a much stronger collaborative core. The parents (men and women) enjoy their participation in scouting so much that many have stayed in the organization long after their girls have grown. Ever since the first combined meeting of our units I have been obsessed with the idea of photographing leaders' portraits.

Katie decided to participate in the service unit encampment planning committee for girls and Remo is coming to lead a drum circle at the encampment next week. Have you ever been to a drum circle? It is a little too hippy for me... I am not sure I get it. Sure its fun for the first 5 or 10 minutes, but then I am bored with the experience. But tonight John from Remo came to "warm" the group up for the future drum circle. It was hard to be bored and drum when there was such fodder for photographs.

88. Playtime

I am feeling a bit too grown up lately. Not unusual for 40 years old, but there is grown up and responsible and there is just plain boring. I feel boring. Not bored because I am too busy, but boring. I think we all go through periods of time where we are doing the same things over and over. Wake up, get ready for work, get the kids up and ready for school, drop off kids, work, pick up kids, make dinner, get kids to bed, work some more, write blog and go to sleep. Tomorrow? Rinse and repeat.

As a professor at least I still get to live by semesters - only four more weeks and then maybe, just maybe I will get to play.

87. Something

This weekend our school is hosting ArtStart a smorgasbord of art activities on campus for the students and great community at large. Of course I was asked to participate months ago and said yes without thinking the whole project through. Leaping off the traditional saying of "Something old, something new, and something blue" I decided to play with newer technologies of image capture as well as the archaic medium of cyanotype.

The basic idea is this. Create a composition made of objects right on a scanner's glass surface and use the scanner as a camera to record that composition (example is my posted photo.) The next step is to invert the image in PhotoShop, reversing the tones, and to print it on transparency film. The resulting acetate negative is used to create a positive image on photographic paper sensitized by the cyanotype process. Cyanotypes are a brillant, rich deep monochromatic blue.  Thank goodness for my friend and colleague Donna Pattee-Ballard who brought along some toys (literally) to play with. After a few tries we ended up with some interesting compositions. Unfortunately the cyanotype prints didn't dry in time to post today...  but still loving the funky palm trees and army men.

86. Education

This posting might be a bit redundant, but that's ok, because it's necessary. The state of education in California is nothing short of a complete and utter disaster. And as someone that works in education I am frustrated by this disaster on an hourly basis.

As a mother of children that go to a public elementary school, as a wife of a public elementary school teacher, and as a teacher that works in the state community college system literally education has become my life. I hear an earful of complaints from friends, family members, colleagues, and acquaintances and while I have suggestions, I have no answers. But I do have a wish... I hope that this disaster has made enough people pissed off that they take action. Generally I think we have become complacent and accept what hand we are dealt. I don't believe that we have to settle for this current state of education. But we can learn from the past issues and poor judgement and build a better system.

I have heard a lot of people that seem to be waiting for the economy to get better. Yes, much of the California education problems are due to the bad budget. But before the budget crisis California was next to last in spending per student, before the budget crisis only 50% of LAUSD high school students graduated, and before the budget crisis the community college system was struggling with hundreds of thousands of kids that don't have basic educational skills coming out of high school. The budget crisis didn't make this mess, but it has sure highlighted and aggravated it. But now the problem is so visible and part of so many dinner table conversations, now is the time to motivate and make change.

85. Multitasking

Those that know me know that I am really good at one thing... multitasking. Well technically that would be good at doing a bunch of things at once. It is difficult for me to do one thing at a time and not get bored. I often forget that everyone lives their lives this way. And I am sure it can be both annoying and overwhelming to others. But it is how I do everything I do... mother, wife, teacher, GS leader, photographer and now writer. I am not sure where it came from or why I am good at it. But after observing my daughter Katie and all her issues I am beginning to think may be she got both her ADHD and OCD from me. The perfect combination of disorders to form a multitaskier - can't say no to anything, can't leave anything unattended to.

84. Mother

I heard a story about Dorothea Lange on the radio this week. She is famous for many of her photographs but particularly "Migrant Mother," 1936 that became the iconic image of the Great Depression. The radio story repeated many historical facts about her life I already knew. Her first gig was that of a studio portrait artist. She was incredibly good at making people comfortable in front of the camera. In the heart of the depression in 1935, she was extremely blessed to be offered a position photographing for the Farm Security Administration part of Roosevelt's new deal. Her assignments were to take photographs of migrant farm workers and because of her experience working with people in the portrait studio, she was able to connect with her subjects in a way her contemporaries (like Walker Evans) were not. Her photographs like Migrant Mother, deemed her the title of supreme humanist as she concentrated on an individual's expression and gesture to help tell her story. This weeks' radio story covered all this, and this information I already knew.

What I learned from that story has haunted me all week. When Dorothea Lange received the job offer to work for the FSA she had to put two of her children into the foster care system in order to take the job. With unemployment pushing 25% did she have no other choice or was it a deep personal desire to continue her art? I keep returning to that iconic image of mother huddled against children - this new information has added a whole new layer of deep meaning to it. The woman in the photograph was a pea picker that came to California hoping to find work, her home town in Oklahoma had succumb to the Great Dust Bowl. Her car had broken down and she set up a make shift camp with her seven children. The photograph has such power because of the expression  Lange captured and the obvious weight of worry her face bears.  I always thought this image was just about the pea picker's personal worry and pain, but now I realize it closely paralleled Lange's own torment as well.

In my history of photography classes I try to teach my students not to assume that biographical information is relevant to an artists work. But of course how could giving up her children not be relevant to this image? The present day economy is in a serious recession, and my husband's teaching job is in jeopardy. As a teacher myself I have serious worries how bad the economy will get before we can feel our jobs are secure. But I know this, that no matter how difficult things get, I would rather live in a make shift tent with my children than without them.