77. Seems so easy

Some nights I struggle to churn out a post... I don't have anything to write about and I haven't taken any interesting photographs.  Honestly the day has been less than unique, outstanding, or eventful so I am stuck writing about and photographing blah.

On the flip side I sometimes have packed days, full of fodder. So packed that I start to watch the clock and wonder if I will even have time to stop having fun in enough time to post before midnight. (Like anyone is sitting around watching the clock to see if I miss the deadline!) Today was full.

This weekend my grandmother (my father's step mom) turns 100 and a lot of family members are in town to celebrate. With all the family coming into town (and alcohol)  things can become more than dysfunctional.  Keep your fingers crossed... but know if things go wrong than my blog posts will be more interesting. So today/tonight all fun and minimal dysfunction. It could have gone all astray but didn't. For one, I haven't see my dad in close to two years. The last time I went out to visit him in Colorado he walked out of a restaurant on me and my family because Abbey didn't answer his question. She was six, had been at horse camp all day, and was exhausted. My family stayed at the restaurant and had a nice meal. When we returned to his house where we were staying for the week he gave Abbey (again only 6 years old) an ear full about how rude she was and that he was starting to live his life for himself after 67 years. Whatever. But it was enough. I had had enough. I realized in that moment that I was near 40 and was done seeking his approval. I just had to move on.

My parents had split when I was a mere three years old and I really don't remember him ever being a part of my day-to-day life. I do remember being excited about him picking me up for a visitation weekend. Carefully packing my bag, Cookie Monster (a favorite), and blanket and waiting and waiting and waiting on the couch for him to show. It may have been a matter of minutes, but it seemed like hours. Eventually the phone would ring and my mom would come into the living room shortly after. She would sit in between my brothers and I on the green floral couch and try and come up with a great excuse why he wasn't coming. Why didn't she just say what she felt? Again, I was crushed.

I spent most summers with him in Colorado. In July I was sent to live with a stranger - I really didn't know him. The first couple weeks was a serious period of adjustment. Eventually I learned to please him in two ways. First, I cleaned and organized his house so that he couldn't yell at me and my brothers about anything. I was sure to pick up my brother's shoes and legos that they left in the den. I did the dishes. I mopped the floor. I cleaned the kitchen and the bathrooms. I straighten the couch cushions. I was nine years old.  Second, I disappeared outside. My father's house is located in the Rocky Mountains outside of Denver. Heaven. I guess I owe my love of outdoors and nature to summers in Colorado.

Eventually he fell in love with a wonderful woman who would become my stepmother. She helped him become more patient with us kids. The summers changed and the time in Colorado is something that I will always cherish. I wanted my girls to have that same experience and after Katie was born I brought her there every summer for 8 years in a row. I sacrificed other vacation possibilities so that she (and Abbey) would have time to know Colorado and the grandparents that reside there. But as I mentioned earlier we haven't been back in a couple years (nor has my father been out to visit Los Angeles.)

So this weekend brought a bunch of concern...but we had many of the family members over for dinner tonight...and it was fun, warm, loving, and nostalgic for better times. After everyone left Curtis and Katie were playing the piano together - him cords and her the melody. I love watching them together. This morning she complained bitterly about her father and how she can't stand him. She may think that, but then I saw them together tonight and it is so beautiful to watch. Something I really never even had the chance to have.