79. Past & Present

My mom had a really, really hard day. She is wrestling with health issues and often it is hard for her to stay in the present. It seems that she longs for the past when times were more structured and had purpose. First, the past had my step-dad, the love of her life, and in the present he is no longer with us. In the past her kids were young, needed her, and were always around. Now we are all grown-up and some live far away. In the past, as a practicing physician she saved lives. Now her days consist of struggling to keep the mail organized. In the past she was healthy and now she has Parkinson's.

I grew up with tons of family around. My mom fell in love with my step-father when I was five. He moved in with his two boys and joined my brothers and I. That made five kids, two adults. My parents hired a housekeeper that had just arrived from Guatemala and eventually she brought her children to live with us. That made seven kids and three adults in 1800 square feet. My grandmother (my mom's mom) lived three houses down the street with my grandfather. My aunt (mom's sister) lived around the corner with her two children. It was always a party, it was wonderful. Rarely were we alone, rarely did you long for someone to play with.

What she longs to see is my kids, and my brothers' kids playing together. That is her perfect day. I assume it brings her back to the past when all her kids and her sister's kids played together. Maybe it is comfortable and safe in those memories and she needs to relive them. But that is rarely possible. And when it doesn't happen she is so heart broken and disappointed.