Last week, Katie wanted to know exactly what time she was born. My response was, "sometime after lunch." This was not precise enough for her. In order to better answer her question we cracked out the baby book and box full of things that I have been saving for her. I had no idea what opening that box would do to my sense of time...
My daughter just turned ten... that means that I have had children for a quarter of my life. I remember my parent's friends coming to visit just after her birth and they all would shake their heads and say, "Cherish these moments. It goes so fast." A colleague came over with his 8 and 10 year old daughters to see my new baby and I thought wow, his kids are really old. The future seemed so far away at that moment and now all of a sudden it is here and I didn't even realize it. Having kids is a lot of work. So much so that you are just jumping from task to task with them... get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school, pick up from school, go to music lessons, get homework done, eat dinner, take bath, go to bed. It is like jumping from one stepping-stone to another, but forgetting to look up and see where you are headed.
When Katie opened that box it was like looking up for the first time in 10 years. One of the first things she handed me was a note from my grandmother, we call her Bayto. It was written in her own hand and was addressed to me. The letter was thanking me for a Mother's Day gift and stating her predictions for the gender of my first child - she guessed Katie was going to be a boy. Bayto mentioned my grandfather and his frustration about his failing eyesight.
So much has changed. My grandfather had a stroke weeks after that letter was written, ironically on the same day Katie was born. He died about a year later. Bayto is still alive and just turned 100 in April. But she can no longer write beautiful letters, a stroke took her speech several years ago, and I am not sure she knows who I am.
In the last decade, I lost 3 grandparents. I lost my step-dad. I lost my mother-in-law. I went from 30 and able to stay up all night, to 40 and generally exhausted. My car went from 2-door sports car with manual transmission to 8 passenger SUV. I went from two loads of laundry per week and a perfectly clean home to a daily living environment that resembles the aftermath of an explosion. I went from feeding myself when I was hungry to prepping three squares meals a day for four people - everyday! I went from having my own time to having no time.
I could go on-and-on but it is beginning to sound like I am complaining - I don't mean to. I just didn't realize how much has changed and how fast the past 10 years went. I am feeling both awakened and shell shocked at the same time.
This was really sweet! Glad you paused, noticed, and shared. I'm blown away by time's passing and I only have myself to take care of.
ReplyDelete40!!! And you forgot to mention the transition from sports car to wagon -- just so you know I got my saturn wagon because you made it look so cool. True story.
:-) T.W.
Yes it goes so fast! My youngest son "the baby" will be 17 on the 25th of this month, my middle son will be 20 in July and my oldest son will turn 27 in January. My grandmother once told me (when I was pregnant with my first son and was so worried about the baby turning out alright), "you stop worrying about your children when they throw the dirt on top of you" - at the time that statement wasn't as profound as it is now. I went from homework, school plays and sports events to live band performances, girls (heartaches and happy times) and driving on their own (you haven't lived until you get that phone call that every parent dreads at 1:00 in the morning, "mom, I'm at the hospital, I've been in an accident") . My oldest has since moved back home and I'm thankful for the time to reconnect with him (however brief his stay will be). My middle son's friends are the most important thing in his universe (as is appropriate for his age) and my youngest thinks that his parents have absolutely no clue what life is like for a 17 year old let alone any pertinent advise.
ReplyDeleteWhen I get up in the morning I am shocked at the older woman looking back at me in the mirror - where did the real me go??? Then I look at my boys and know I'm in there somewhere and the memories that were made as they grew up and the love and guidance that was given so unconditionally will carry them through this thing called life.
My mother died almost two years ago and the memories of her, the lessons learned from her and my time growing up surrounded by love (and yes a clueless parent at times) have given me the tools that have led to my successes - I always knew my mother had my back.
Yes time moves so quickly - and the funny thing is - it's the little things that I remember that bring a smile or a tear - not the makes of the cars I drove, or the cool stuff I had or even the real big events that have past... The lesson I have finally learned (Ok so maybe I'm a little late) is that it is the little things that matter if we only take the time to notice and embrace them.
One of my favorite quotes is: “Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, Love as though you have never been hurt before. And live every day as if it were your last”
Thanks Kip - beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWow you are both truley beautiful people and as one mother to another, my cup runs over because i know you.tj
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