My daughter's hamster died today. Abbey was so sad it was heart wrenching. Over the period of an hour she held Lily, told her how much she meant to her, while at the same time begging her to come back to life. We ended up picking a little spot in the garden and buried her there.
My reaction to Abbey's show of grief scared me. Instead of wanting to stay next to her and console her as she held the dead hamster in her hands, my camera was all I could think about. I had an instant war between my maternal instincts and the need to document the event. I fought with myself until she went outside to find Lily's final resting spot. That gave me a moment to grab the iPhone and when she was absorbed in writing a good-bye message on top of the box, I snuck in a few quick shots. What kind of mother am I? She was in a private moment of grief and cameras have no business going there, right? May be it is easier for me to hide behind the lens than to get to her pain and grief.
Abbey is so used to my obsession that she didn't even seem to notice that I took any images at all.
We all handle grief differently - I don't think you were hiding...I think you were coping. You are a wonderful mother and I'm sure you'll be there for her over the next few days.
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