348. Freud was right

I try and fool myself. I try to tell myself that I can handle anything. But Freud knew a century ago. It all comes back to Mom. I try to disagree, but in the end… at the end of the day… I know that I miss her so much. I wish I could just predict which version I will meet. As my brother says, version one or two. Version 1.0 is the pediatrician, ever patient, doting mother, and insanely intelligent. Version 2.0 delusional, hallucinating, nonsensical, argumentative and often angry. The personality doesn’t change day-to-day but hour-to-hour. I picked her up early this morning for an appointment. She was in a difficult, moody, and angry all the way to the doctor’s office. We went out to brunch after – she said little except to patronize the waitress for putting lingonberries on pancakes instead of spaghetti. I dropped her home and bravely asked her over to dinner tonight. At 5 when she arrived I got version 1.5 – somewhere in between impossible and lovely. And I’ll take it.