177. Pass on it

For someone who leads a fairly boring and normal life I have a bunch of irrational fears. I don't like flying. I don't like elevators. I don't like heights. I absolutely hate tunnels -  particularly if they go underwater. Vacationing in the Northwest is always a bit anxiety provoking for me.

To deal with the first fore-mentioned fear I make my family drive instead of fly. This take a total of 4 days of the the vacation allotment to drive to and from Los Angeles to anywhere north of Grant's Pass. I try and sell it under the guise that as a family we can experience more on the way up and the way down by stopping at National Parks or visit friends and family members. Whether my husband buys the idea or not is irrelevant - it is more likely that he just puts up with my phobias. The girls are too young to really know how much I hate flying, but they are beginning to catch on.

It is not that I don't fly, or ride in an elevator, or cross a bridge, or drive under the bay... I do all these things, but I hate them. Today, we drove across the bridge at Deception Pass that links the islands of Whidbey and Fidalgo in upper Washington State. It is an impressive bridge you can not only drive across, but walk across to enjoy the view.  On the way back to Whidbey Island tonight (we crossed the bridge for the second time) we stopped to take in the sunset. I got out and walked across the bridge. It wasn't graceful or with confidence but I did do it. It would have been easier to pass on the experience and wait in the car. But I know I have all these crazy irrational fears and the only way that I can keep them from ruling my life is to tackle them head on. I set out on the bridge and just kept inching forward. I thought I would pass out, but didn't. My brain starts to play tricks on me... the wind could pick me up and whip me over the railing... the seam in the concrete is starting to separate and it is only a matter of minutes before the bridge crumbles... my foot will slip through the narrow slit between the bottom rail and the ground... etc. I have to constantly knock these thoughts out of my head to keep me from losing it.

I thought that as I got older and wiser that some of these fears would lessen and dissolve... but actually it is just the opposite. I have to work hard to keep fears from being added to the list. This week we are visiting my Aunt on Whidbey Island. We were chatting about the fears that we have in common - there are a lot of them. May be it is genetic? That would be an easier excuse for my insanity.